The F* Word

Sitting in the hairdressers, mid-dye, I was mortified to find a tall, dark, handsome type plonk himself in the seat next to me and steal the attention of my favourite hair stylist...his phones rang off the hook whilst he was charming every woman in sight, well, everyone except me. In fact, despite a stunning introduction, he didn't even seem to notice me. Facebook caused our paths to cross again (when he recognised me in a friend's photos), and before I knew it, I was finally whisked away from a seven-month Bridget Jones-esque singleton spell. I had no intentions of being bored to death over yet another unimaginative date, but, like Hitch stated: 'Basic Principles - no woman wakes up saying "God, I hope I don't get swept off my feet today!" So, when he asked, I agreed to meet him.


They say when you aren’t looking for it, that’s when it finds you, and it was amidst my preaching that chivalry was clearly dead, here appeared this charming and attentive gentleman, who by some twist of fate, had wound up at a dinner table...with me. You see, we grow up with Cinderella like a bible, believing that we are all fated to find true love and happiness with the arrival of our prince charming, who will obviously whisk us away to live happily ever after. I reasoned that if mine just so happens to be this hairdresser-stealing stranger, then so be it. He was “different”: interesting, funny, charismatic, considerate, enticing...open with his experiences and closed with his thoughts, he was literally a walking contradiction.


And that was the start of the trouble: intrigue. He seemed too perfect...My question? Was this going to be my Romeo, or a Casanova? You all know about Romeo. He is the archetypal romantic that fought everyone and everything to be with his true love; without her he would cease to exist. But he, like Cinderella's Prince Charming, is a fiction. The other historical romantic? Casanova: the world's most infamous womaniser. He was an intellectual law graduate with an outstanding ability for evading the police, escaping imprisonment and stealing the hearts of women as he got expelled from country to country for sexual scandal: an adrenaline junkie that lived for the moment, searching for fortune, and his next enticing challenge.

Casanova is exactly what you expect your Romeo or Prince Charming to be...they save the damsel in distress, seduce her and then embark on a lustful affair, but Casanova, our real life character, gets bored, and then makes for a getaway. It is this man that I encounter today. Men that will be the gentleman you desire, a man who showers you with words of affection, presents gestures of adoration, and inevitably wiggles his way into your life...and then? Well, then there is the revelation that he has a problem with the F* word: fidelity. As you discover he has not been exclusive to you, your world comes crashing down and you are left with a decision, leave wounded, or stick around for a little more heartache. Sound familiar? Well, it rings true to my prince charming look-alike.


The symptoms were there: reasons why 'we' had to be a secret, phone locks, rumours of others, and he was always 'seeing a man about a dog'...which I guess is code for, what I do when I'm not with you is none of your business. Despite declarations of care, love and thought, there was a huge flaw: he was caught out, hand-in-hand with another girl. It brought me tumbling down from cloud nine, and while I was sitting there trying to work out how I let this happen, I couldn't help but question; where have this generation of Casanovas arisen from? Where did all the Romeos go? Is there a prince charming? A happily ever after? Or is my beloved Cinderella story an outdated tale I shouldn't tell my baby sister?


I consulted a good friend, who told me bluntly, 'Romance is dead.' Sharp and to the point, his words were like glass shattering. 'The problem starts with how a relationship starts....The general foundation for a relationship is now when two people who are sleeping together decide to be formal and exclusive. Where's the romance?' I was mortified. The romance surely was in the dating, the getting to know each other? But it’s true, there is a pressure to rush everything, and the chase is almost over before it's begun. Are our lifestyles responsible? The media presents a world of infidelity. Hugh Hefner has a made an empire out of the Casanovian playboy lifestyle, has he not? Temptation is the most attractive thing on the planet and indulgence is what mass marketing tells us to do. The word 'affair' suggests scandal, desire and sensuality that is far more seductive than the word 'commitment'.

In a world where careers are priorities, divorce is as common as toast, and sex is as taboo as cupcakes, there can surely be no surprise that monogamy seems foreign? Our world is fast paced and disposable. We meet fast, and leave fast too. If things become hard work, it's ready to be dropped...at least to a part time position. The common logic is that we are only guilty if caught. Whatsmore, there is mass confusion about what men and women want. “Treat 'em mean, and keep 'em keen?” Really? Well, yes, if you want to keep someone keen to stay single! My Casanova was convinced that I, and every other woman he'd met, wanted a 'bad boy'. He couldn't have been further from the truth. It was ironically his gentlemanly ways, the way he humoured kids, the way he treated those less able than him, and the way he put things in perspective for me that made him attractive. Hold a door...what does it cost you? Pay a compliment...didn't your mother tell you it's polite? And when you have all that covered, don't screw around...it's just common sense. Make a lady feel like she's seen as a lady, and she will respond like one.


Let’s take Pretty Woman, our modern day Cinderella story, is a story that shows this fairytale is as possible in this day and age as it ever was. Two people from worlds apart who, in the face of everything find themselves colliding on one path: the slightly less obvious damsel, who is more of a fallen angel than the face of one and in this day and age, walks, talks and dresses with attitude, and of course there is our hero who, eventually, after a lot of 'umming' and 'erring' realised that this was the woman of his dreams, a woman worth fighting for, and would compromise his lifestyle to keep her.


Fact or fiction? Well, I only have to look to my own home to see it. Two people from polar worlds that fatefully collided. Two people that now couldn't operate without each other. Two people that have become each other's air. Two people that live for no other but each other. They moved to a land far, far away and have just had the most handsome son, and the fairest little lady that eyes have ever seen. Now, I can't imagine ever settling for anything less, and given that even Bridget Jones got hers, I trust that there is a 'happily-ever-after' possible for everyone...even our legendary playboy Casanova ended up with (no woman, but) the thing he loved the most: the story of himself.


The playin' Casanovas are a growing breed; the true Romeos are a dying number. If we live a fast life, we take on a fast love life: it comes with the territory. I'll tell my baby sister the magical tale of Cinderella and I'll tell her the story of the controversial Casanova in the hope that, as she grows up, the Casanovas won't ruin her belief that someday her Prince Charming will find her. I'll tell her to take it easy. I'll tell her to trust herself and her judgement, but most importantly to only give her heart to the one that earns it...not to Mr. Right Now, but to Mr. Right! I guess it’s just a case of kissing a few frogs before the real deal appears!